This Is War
by thena-ditey
Summary: Mary starts a rubber band war with Marshall. Rated M for language and zest. No spoilers. Just woke up with an idea for mayhem. Zesty chp 3.
1. Chapter 1

Mary woke up early on Friday with a grin.

She knew that Marshall woke up earlier than she did in order to take a run and iron his work clothes. She had gotten a little tired of waking up and not having him beside her. Today she would take her revenge.

Wearing her favorite pajamas (One of Marshall's shirts and a pair or panties), she debated trying to get dressed. No, he'd hear her rustling around and knowing that she hated getting up early, would be forewarned. Surprise was her goal.

She fished the large bag of rubber bands she'd taken from work out from her hamper where she'd stashed them the night before when he had been out of the room. Loading her arm silently she reviewed her plan of attack. _Let's see. He likes to set up the ironing board near the kitchen so he can use the counter for his supplies and will face the TV to watch the weather and news reports. I'll need to be careful on my approach to not spook him. I can't wait to see his face when I plug him._ She chuckled quietly and padded silently to the door to glance out. Prodigy's Smack My Bitch Up ran through her mind and her adrenalin surged as she used her Marshal's training to sneak from room to room and find an advantageous attack point.

Humming, Marshall went about his usual morning routine with gusto. He admitted to himself that he might have been playing it up a bit for her and tried to tone it down a notch. It wouldn't do to let her know he knew. Smiling slightly, he adjusted the thick bracelet of rubber bands on his wrist discreetly and continued ironing with a cold iron while keeping his peripheral vision as open as possible.

He had become suspicious the week before after she had made a snarky comment about how she was gonna replace him since he wasn't there in the mornings and then smiled deviously. He had started watching her more surreptitiously, pretending to be absorbed in his current caseload. He had witnessed her bribing Eleanor with a bag snickerdoodles. He watched Eleanor drop the large bag of rubber bands into an open drawer and wink at Mary when he wasn't looking. He had heard the crinkle from her jacket pocket the night before and had known that war was on in the morning.

Mary did a quick check to line up her target and was surprised to find him missing. Sneaking around the corner to reestablish a visual she heard a twang and felt a sting on her left buttock. Jumping, she spun around to find her lover bent over laughing his fool head off.

"What the hell, numbnuts! I'm gonna kick your ass for that!" She yelled with rage narrowed eyes.

"I'd like to see you try," he launched another band and she dove back around the corner for cover getting hit in the arm in the process. "Catch me if you can, Mare!"

Mary growled. How'd he find out? That doofus was way too observant and knew her too well. Well, she'd just have to kick his ass for him. Grinning fiercely she yelled to the living room, "You won't like it when I find you, nerd!"

Marshall chuckled, her face had been priceless. He knew he'd be paying for that for weeks, but he knew that it would be worth it. When she yelled, he took position behind the kitchen counter. He could monitor her movements better from the cover and looked forward to pelting her some more. "I always like it when you find me. I'm a glutton for punishment, remember?"

With a battle cry she raced for the sofa and was hit once more. To add insult to injury she banged her head on the corner of the couch as she scrambled to hide herself. By now Mary was livid. He was going to pay for this. Oh, yeah.

Using the corner of the sofa as cover, she leaned out and saw her opportunity. If she went the other way around or over the sofa she could stand over the counter and pelt him from there. Before he could recover she could be back behind the couch. She bared her teeth in anticipation and put her plan into motion. She crept around the other side of the couch and scuttled to the counter. Standing to her full height, she smiled sweetly down at him.

Marshall caught the movement and looked up to find "woman scorned" smiling her sweet devil smile at him. He had just enough time to cover his head and ears before she hit him three times.

With a cackle, she turned and rolled over the back of the couch. This was so much more fun when she wasn't the one being hit.


	2. Chapter 2

Highly amused, Marshall quickly crept around the side of the counter. He had decided to give her a taste of her own medicine and wanted to approach the couch similarly to her strategy. Seeing this, Mary allowed him to think he was getting the drop on her. This was going to be great.

Marshall, grinning a Cheshire smile, slowly stood and looked to where he expected her to be. At the same time, Mary flung herself to the side and took her aim for the center of his chest. Just as fast he swung to aim his band at her.

"Looks like we have a Mexican Standoff, Pardner" Mary drawled.

"Indeed," his blue eyes were bright and excited and he smiled a wolfish grin, "but not for long." He swung his aim to her chest. "Release your tension and I won't shoot you where we both know it'll hurt."

"Low blow." She pouted. "No, wait. This is a low blow." Grinning she lowered her aim to his crotch. "I think I win."

He only looked mildly worried. "I think you'll be just as unhappy if you did that as I would be. Did you know that another name for a Mexican Standoff is MAD? It stands for Mutually Assured Destruction. It's a military strategy that involves the use of full scale Weapons of Mass Destruction by two opposing sides. It would end in total destruction for both sides and-"

"I'll show you Mutually Assured Destruction if you don't stop talking." She pulled her band a little tighter as a threat.

Marshall looked a little more worried now. "What do you say we call a truce?"

"Why? I could just shoot you and then I'd win."

He gulped. "Maybe. But would you be able to roll away before I fired?"

"You shot me in the ass."

"I did and I am very sorry. It will never happen again. I swear."

"Liar." Her fully extended arms were beginning to tremble from fatigue. She noticed his were as well. Maybe a truce could be called before one of them let fly by accident. That thing would hurt like hell and she knew his aim would be dead on. "What'll you give me in exchange?"

He eyed her warily. "What would you like?"

She smiled saucily, "Oh, I can think of a few things."

Still wary, he replied, "So can I. And I know that not all of them go with that smile. You tricked me once too many times into compromising situations with that."

"Yeah, but they were all hilarious! You should have thanked me."

He gave her a skeptical look.

"What?"

Chuckling, he slowly lowered his weapon and she did the same. "Ok, you won. Which spoils would you like, Victor?"

She smiled her sweet devil smile again and he began to worry that he made the wrong decision.

*****Changing the rating for the next. Mary has some naughty ideas. Please review and let me know if you have any ideas for the victor.*********


	3. Chapter 3

*****Zest alert! Enjoy!*****

She demurely raised her hand for him help her off the floor. Despite his suspicious expression he took her hand and pulled her to her feet. She reached her arms over her head in a spine cracking, mouth-watering stretch. He couldn't help but stare, entranced as her motions pulled his shirt to her navel and he glimpsed the soft expanse of her tight stomach.

She smiled noticing his distraction and took two leisurely steps to stand close to him. Close but not touching so that they both could feel the heat of the other's body. She looked up into his eyes, loving how they darkened in his desire. Slowly, she reached one hand towards his face to stroke his cheek and pull him to her for a hot, deep kiss. She loved giving into her post-adrenaline urges and she knew that he did as well. Being an adrenaline junkie was almost a perquisite as Marshals in such a dangerous work environment.

Marshall happily complied with her unspoken wish and kissed her fiercely, one hand coming around her waist to cup her ass and the other to fist in her hair. This never got old to him. He knew that he would be old and grey and still reaching for her. He broke from her lips with a sigh to kiss and nibble her jaw. He traced to her ear and the sensitive spot just behind it knowing that it was one of her favorites. He smiled against her neck at her small gasp. "I haven't set the terms for my surrender." He whispered as he nibbled her earlobe pulling a jerky sigh from her lips.

"I don't know if you get a say. I won." She moaned on the last as his grip on her ass tightened to pull her tighter against his arousal.

"Unequivocally. But shouldn't I get some say in what's going to happen?" He bit her hard enough to leave a mark at the juncture of her neck and shoulder and she shuddered and arched into him

"No. My party." She grabbed him by the hair and brought him back to her lips, their hands restless roaming the other to elicit as many sighs and moans as possible. Her knees were getting weak with his attentions and she pulled away before he could distract her any further from her victory.

He loved how gloriously alive she looked with her hair and pjs rumpled and eyes flashing, her red lips thoroughly kissed. At this moment he'd do anything for her. She flashed him a heart stopping smile and slowly began to unbutton the shirt while backing towards the bedroom. Entranced, he followed. His eyes devoured her, watching her hands slowly part the material of his shirt and he had to strive to pay attention when she started talking. "I want to wake up with you with me, not to a cold spot in the bed. I don't mind it occasionally, but I wake up like this," she had slid her hands into the shirt and was caressing her breasts, tugging on her tight nipples. "and you aren't around to make it better."

Marshall's mouth watered at the sight and he smiled his own devil smile "Is there any way I can make it up to you?"

A wicked smile on her lips, she turned and ran for the bedroom, flinging herself onto the bed with a loud laugh. No more than a second later Marshall landed next to her and began to kiss her letting his hands roam over her newly uncovered flesh. Mary ran her fingers through his tousled hair and kissed him with abandon. This was exactly where she wanted and needed to be. She arched into the sensations that were shooting into her groin as he kneaded her breasts. Moaning in loss the sudden loss of his mouth on hers, she delighted in his new trajectory. Marshall laid open mouth kisses and nips down her chin and through the hallow of her throat stopping to kiss along her collarbones before heading to his goal. He bit and licked her left breast from top to bottom leaving her tight skin pink and tingling while he worked over her right breast and nipple with his hand, gently tugging and rolling it. Once he was satisfied with his work he moved to her right breast and repeated his ministrations.

There were both good and bad things about being with a man who was such a perfectionist, but this was most definitely one of the perks. Mary was going crazy with the sensations he was plucking from her breasts one bite at a time. She wiggled impatiently under him as he took his sweet time. He loved driving her crazy and she knew it. The more demanding she became, the more he slowed down. Torture. Slow, exquisite torture. Soon she could take no more and began pushing his head towards where he was wanted, needed. Chuckling, he began a meandering route down her sternum down along her flat stomach and nipping at the navel that had made his mouth water before. She jumped at the nip and groaned her approval, gently pushing his head now.

When he reached her mound he exhaled deeply. The hot air across her groin made her gasp and grip the sheets. She pushed herself up onto her elbows to watch him. He looked up at her, eyes wonderful shade of navy blue, as he slowly lowered his mouth to her still clad mound. Her panties were transparent where she had soaked them in her pleasure. He loved that she got so wet with so little attention. He loved that he could do that to her. He flicked his tongue across her clit as one of his fingers slid along her lower lips. She was flushed and breathing hard, her eyes a dark emerald in her pleasure. Watching her, he nipped at her while the same adventurous finger pushed its way into her as far as the panties would allow. With a guttural groan, she flung herself back onto the bed and arched like a cat.

Marshall smiled. It was time. Hooking his fingers into the waist band of her panties he pulled them off of her, coming off of the bed with them to take off his clothing as well. Mary felt a dip near her feet and tightened in excitement. She knew what was next on the menu and it made her purr. Marshall climbed back onto the bed between her legs, sliding his hands under her ass to repositioning her hips so she was displayed before him. She watched his face as he looked at the most special part her. He gazed at her as if he was a starving man at a banquet. He met her gaze and smiled a smile full of awe and eagerness. God, that look. He was killing her with that look. Keeping her eye contact, he lowered his lips to her and placed a kiss on her clit. Her eyes slid closed on a sigh. With her inattention, he quickly slid two fingers into her depths and sucked her clit into his mouth. He worked her into a frenzied state finding her spot with his fingers and laving at her between suckles.

She exploded into a feathery world of sensation as her body shook and clenched in orgasm. Marshall groaned with the sight and the feeling of her clenching against his fingers. He could no longer control himself and with one last kiss to send her into more spasms, he tiger crawled up her body to watch her come back into her skin. "You ok?" he asked.

A silly smile spread across her lips and she gave him a thumbs up. With a chuckle, he lowered himself to rest gently on top of her. The heat of his skin and the insistent hardness of him sent her into another round of spasms. He kissed her lips gently, sweetly as she came fully back to herself. When her open eyes finally focused, he began to trail kisses to her chin, cheeks, eyes and lastly, her nose.

"Cowboy, if you promise to do that every day, you can stay. I'll even let you eat crackers in bed."

"You're the one who wants to eat crackers in bed. I wouldn't mind if you cleaned up your crumbs instead of pushing them to my side." He chuckled. "Or I could just push them right back…"

She huffed, "Ok, no more crackers. But you still need to do that every day. Twice a day would be grand." She wrapped her arms around his neck and arched her hips to his. "I'm still waiting for my second helping of dessert, though."

His breath caught in his throat at her push. "My pleasure, milady." With a hand to guide him, he slowly pushed into her hot folds. "God, Mare. You are so wet and tight. I'll never get tired of this." She panted and moaned her agreement. Her legs came up to wrap around his waist, her hands on his tight ass to urge him faster. Giving into her unspoken request, he thrust into her, hitting bottom. She yelled and dug her nails into his lower back. They began their dance, and he tried to keep it slow, to draw it out just a little bit longer. To give her more. She would have none of it and in a fit of pique, she rolled them over to straddle him. The deeper seat made them both shout and she rode him hard.

He watched as she rode him, her breasts were large and flushed and she had one hand on his stomach to brace as she gripped her hair. He held her hips to urge her faster and took the time to reach up to caress a breast or down to rub at her nub. He felt her start to come apart and allowed himself to join her, giving into the sensations that demanded his attention. She cried his name as she came and he felt as if they were truly one. Together they'd take the world. He could fly as long as she was with him. He let himself go with a shout and they spasmed against one another. She let herself fall to his chest, panting, like a marionette with her strings cut.

"I love you, Mare."

"I love you, too. Let's do this more often, k?"

She could feel his chuckle rumble in his chest, "Every chance I can get. What do you say we call in 'sick'? We'd have the whole weekend…"

She fumbled her cell, still fuzzy from afterglow as she called Stan. "Hey, boss. We're sick. Can't come in. Cough, cough." She grinned at Marshall while Stan sighed and said he'd see them Monday.

"Achoo." Marshall used his "oo" pucker to kiss her as she signed off with Stan. Laughing, they rolled over to enjoy the afterglow.

*****What did you think? Good, bad, ugly? This is my first real zesty scene. I'd love the feedback. I hope you enjoyed. Tune in next time! Lol*** **


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